


Who We Really Are

by lastmouseleft



Category: Bloodline (Star Wars novel), Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Guilt, I am totally obsessed by this pairing, I hope you enjoy frenglish, POV Rey (Star Wars), Stubborn Rey, They shouldnt and yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-06-09 16:07:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6914011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lastmouseleft/pseuds/lastmouseleft
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Resistance has made Kylo Ren prisoner and a Trial is hastily organised to decide on a suitable punishment for him. It is Rey’s turn to testify and she is perfectly aware of the dilemma that is facing her: Pretend that Ren has never been more than a deadly enemy for her or tell the truth and reveal the passionate relationship she has been having with him all this time. Both their destinies depend on it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How we are called

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, a warning: This is the first Fanfiction I ever wrote! Plus, it's the first relatively long text I've written in English. Therefore, I have to apologize for all the mistakes I am certain you'll find while reading this story! Besides the misspelling, it is quite probable that you'll notice that some sentences are weirdly constructed. Well, That's because I typically think in a French way when I am writing! Therefore, don't hesitate to tell me about the mistakes you'll notice. But please...do be gentle...

“Next witness: Jedi Padawan Rey”. When she hears her name, Rey is like hit by a lightning. The moment she has dreaded so much has finally come. She thought she would be better prepared after all those sleepless nights trying to figure out the best way to behave on this occasion.  
Finn easily notices that she is shaking and puts his hands on her shoulders in a friendly and supportive way. She looks at him and forces a smile that quickly fades away. He thinks that she is afraid to face the accused, she reckons. She puts her hand over Finn’s and finally gathers the courage to get up and heads to the center of the room.

The trial is taking place in a small amphitheater where five levels of arc-shaped benches surround a round center. The observers who have the chance to be present had to fight dearly for one of the limited places.

Going down the stairs, Rey crosses path with Poe Dameron who just finished testifying against Kylo Ren. He offers her an encouraging smile but she doesn't have the strength to pretend to appreciate it. Poe senses that there is something odd going on with her. He stops and watches her over his shoulder while she gets to the chair intended for the witnesses.

Rey sits and keeps her eyes down before slowly raising her gaze until she gets a full view of his face. He is looking at her, intently, sitting on a small seat at merely a few steps away from her. The bruises that cover his face are healing but still quite visible. She still has trouble getting used to seeing him with such short hair.

In a cruel gesture, some members of The Resistance charged to guard him decided one night to cut his mane using their knives to humiliate him. He reportedly did not try to defend himself. He just let them do whatever they wanted with him, the same way he let all those people hit him, drag him through the ground and humiliate him when he first arrived at the base after he was made prisoner. The violent frenzy that took over the headquarters then is something that Rey hasn't thought even possible. She suspects that Kylo Ren would have been torn apart if the General and some of the wisest officers did not intervene and convinced everyone that the prisoner deserved a trial like everyone else.

Now she sees him, all bruised, all docile, and yet she knows pertinently that he is still the same man. His eyes are still as intense, his stature just as imposing. He looks proud. This is not helping him.

“Rey, do you recognize this man?” asks one of the officers assuming the role of a judge in the trial. She hates that question they keep asking every new witness.

“Yes, she answers tonelessly.  
\- Can you name him, please?" insists the officer.  
"Kylo Ren,” she adds after taking a deep breath.

During this exchange, Poe took his place again next to Finn. The former Stormtrooper is definitely very nervous. He is unable to stand still and does not seem to know what to do with his hands that keep wandering from head and mouth to elbows and knees:

“Calm down buddy! She’ll do fine”, whispers Poe, and he answers: “I know, I know!” more to himself than to his friend.

Rey indeed looks confident enough when she has to reply to the next question:  
“Did he tell you that was his name?  
\- No! I don’t recall him telling me his name”.

She does not expect nor understand the tremor that suddenly emanates from the crowd. She fears that she has said something that would weigh in Kylo Ren’s disfavor. Worried, she looks at him again but he appears calm and she has a slight impression that he wants to comfort her. She remembers then how important her testimony is and suddenly panics at the thought that what she is saying could mean his ruin.

“I knew, though, that it was what he was called”, she continues a bit clumsily. The officer, who is sitting with his colleagues on a long table at her right, looks at her interrogatively and Rey reveals:  
“I saw it in his mind”.

Her answer causes a new wave of uproar but the questioning officer comes to her help:  
“You mean while he was interrogating you, right?  
\- Yes!  
\- Could you please describe what happened then? From the start, please”.

This is a nightmare! She does not want to describe what happened in Takodana or on board of the Finalizer. Those are not the memories she wants to associate with him anymore. Now that she looks at him, she rather remembers the time he softly dragged his lips on her cheek, in a ghost of a touch, holding her back against his chest, calling her repeatedly “My scavenger”.

“My name is Rey!” She answered him then with an affected annoyance. He laughed and said:  
“No, it is not”.

She turned around and shouted with flames in her eyes:  
“Don’t you dare!  
\- Dare what?  
\- Trying to lure me with your false promises of information about myself”.

He lifted his gloved hands and took a few steps away from her in a resigned gesture, yet he looked amused. She breathed deeply and forced herself to calm down:

“I don’t want you to use my name anyway”, she said.

He raised an eyebrow and that arrogant and yet seductive smirk of his appeared on his lips.

“You know I want to forget who we are when we are together”, she reminded him while joining him again and throwing her arms around his chest.

Kylo Ren caressed Rey’s cheek with the back of his hand and they both stared deeply into each other’s eyes. There were familiar feelings of sadness and frustration there, soon to be washed over by an intense and adulterated look of desire.

Craving a kiss, Rey stood on her tiptoes but could only manage to reach his neck. How she hated their height difference in moments like these! As an act of defiance, she surprised him by licking his Adam’s apple. She heard him chuckle (which was a remarkable occurrence in itself) and after bending his neck to get to her level, he responded by wantonly licking her lips. She felt a fire suddenly burst into her chest. She was mad at the way he always tried to outdo every single action of hers, but above all, she was amazed by his constant capacity to make her feel so good. Kylo Ren, the enemy of The Resistance, HER enemy, only him could make her forget everything and so willingly lose control.

He put his lips on her neck and started sucking her sensitive skin. Rey gripped his hair and started moaning seductively. She knew that he loved to hear her groan. It made him grow impatient and act more erratically. He held her waist firmly and she seized the opportunity to rub her pelvis against his. Abandoning the softness of her neck, he crushed his lips on hers and started kissing her with such passion and hunger that she felt a bit afraid of him. However, she never really disliked that kind of fear. It was quite the opposite actually; it made their encounters even more thrilling. There was always a possibility he would try to harm her or kidnap her when they met and yet the sensation of his tongue caressing the inside of her mouth seemed to be worth the risk.

“I want you”, whispered Kylo Ren in Rey’s ear. He was evidently aroused and could not wait any longer for them to finally fuck. A wicked smile appeared on her lips and she intently kept silent to provoke him. It did not take him long before he seized her by the back of her neck and insisted, barring his teeth:

“I want you!”

She could have kept torturing him until he ended up losing control, ordering and begging her at the same time, but she wanted him just as much as he did. She gently removed his hand from her neck and held it in her own, encouraging him to lie down with her on the floor covered with dead leaves.

They were deep in the forest of Endor, in a part of the moon where no Ewok could no longer come and bother them. The former Jedi and the Jedi apprentice would have been rather infuriated if any creature interrupted them while they were eagerly removing their clothes. Neither had enough patience to wait until they were completely naked to start their amorous duel. As soon as Rey lifted her shirt, Kylo Ren dived and sucked one of her nipples between his teeth. She screeched in surprise then languorously moaned while he sucked on her small and yet inviting breast. She let her hand roam over his body until she finally found an opening in his ridiculously multilayered attire and got access to his skin. It was so soft, so agreeable to touch, despite all the moles and the scars that punctuated it. She caressed his back and then his torso while he started tasting her other breast.

In a bold move, she shoved her hand in his pants and grabbed his hard cock. It made him groan in pain but he reacted just as she hopped by hastily dropping his pants and freeing his sex. Just as enthusiastically, she shimmied out of her leggings and opened her legs. It only took him a few moments to finally get inside of her. She was already so wet, so ready for him. She knew exactly what she wanted: Him to make love to her in that uninhibited and frenetic manner.

Rey usually enjoyed when he was more in control and assumed the part of the cold and dominant lover, but she wanted him to be as unhinged as she was on this occasion. Oh Stars, he felt so good! He kept coming and going, coming and going between her legs, his member assaulting her pussy without pity. Her moaning became full out screams that echoed through the trees. She felt her walls starting to clench around his cock and Kylo Ren’s movements became more chaotic. She was close to coming, they both were. Her mouth was taking the shape of an “o” when suddenly she heard him call her “My love” and they both froze.

It was as if time stopped and everything went still. Rey stared at the skies with horror. Kylo Ren kept his face turned away from her, avoiding to look at her until he gathered enough courage, and told her:

“I love you!”

He was still inside her and he managed to stretch his body so his face would be above hers.

“I love you!” he insisted.

Sadness invaded her futures and yet she took his face in her hands and kissed him fondly. He resumed his lovemaking and she encouraged him by pecking his luscious lips with small tender kisses. Soon enough, they reached that point where they no longer knew who they were. They weren’t Rey and Kylo Ren anymore. They were who they really were supposed to be, and that is what kept them coming back to one another despite all the guilt, all the danger, despite everything.

They both came at the same time. The ecstasy that Rey felt then didn’t feel like anything she had ever experienced before. Yet, his declaration echoed in her mind and she soon felt overwhelmed by the fears and worries it enticed in her. She carefully pushed him away from her.

Turning on his side and leaning his head on his elbow, Kylo Ren watched her gather her things and put order in her clothes and hair. When she was about to stand up, she heard him ask her:

“You don’t believe me?”

  
Rey froze and looked at him over her shoulder:  
“It’s not like that”, she confessed.

"What is it then?”

She could have told him then, that she was scared of his feelings and, also, of her own. Yet, she could not be as brave as him and properly face her sentiments.

He still is braver than she is now, she keeps thinking while weeping on her pillow, alone in her room.

She does not know what to do with all this fear and guilt. She tried to help him or, at least, to not get things worse for him, but she failed miserably. She is very aware that her account to the judges of their first encounter and the following interrogation she underwent did not benefit him in the least. He came out as arrogant, cruel and unredeemable. If anything, they were all further convinced that he is a very dangerous man.

“No, no, no!” she yells, leaving her bed and walking back and forth in her room. She is losing him. She cannot lose him!  
She suddenly stops and a look of utter determination appears on her tears-covered face. She will not lose him! She will not allow it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little explanation about what motivated me to write this fanfic, maybe? Well, I have been reading lots of Reylo fics since I discovered that I wasn't the only viewer who thought that Star Wars: The Force Awakens was a beautiful love story when leaving the theatre the first time I watched it. 
> 
> They are many wonderful stories written by very talented writers, although I noticed that in the majority of them, Kylo Ren and Rey seem to be quite okay with the idea that they are in love (or at least one of them is...usually Ren). I'd rather imagine that they would be a bit repulsed by the feelings that they develop for one another: "How can I be attracted to her/him? She/He cut my Face/Friend in half! What is wrong with me?" Although, I must say that characters denying their feelings for one another is one of my favorite literary themes (Pride & Prejudice anyone?). 
> 
> So what did you think? Was it any good? Should I leave the world of Fanfiction writing and never look back? Oh, I am so very eager to know what you think, and at the same time so very scared!


	2. The lies we tell ourselves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry dear readers for the delay I took to post the 2nd chapter. For once, it is not because I procrastinated (I usually do) that I got so late. It is rather the opposite! I got so carried away that I ended up writing a humongous chapter that didn't want to finish.  
> I started including flashbacks all over the chapter and kept jumping between past and present. I really went berserk! "Muhaha! I am the mistress of time!" I was thinking. Well It turns out, I am really not as it got so confusing I had to cut half of it. But on the bright side, chapter 3 is nearly ready and it won't be long before I post it too.

It took Rey a lot of courage to ask for a meeting with Leia today. The woman intimidates her, to say the least. Rey shivers when she recalls the look she gave her when she first volunteered to participate in missions for the Resistance. “Are you trying to dodge your duties as a Padawan?” is what her the general's eyes asked.

What Luke lacks in discipline, Leia easily compensates. Even if she has a genuine affection for Rey, it turned out that she is a rather strict parental figure. Besides, as if that was not enough, Rey can never forget that Kylo Ren was the General’s son and the man who killed her husband. Yet, despite all that, she still stands tall and is practically running the Resistance on her own.

Nevertheless, Rey is determined to confront the general. She has had the idea when she woke up this morning. She was actually able to sleep for a while last night and that helped her a lot. Her decision to save Kylo Ren has offered her an unexpected peace of mind and a new clear objective to pursue.

In order to help him, though, she has to start by meeting him! An unjustified request to see the prisoner would however seem most suspicious. She cannot attempt to use some Jedi tricks on his guards either without risking being caught. The whole morning, she has struggled to come up with a convincing excuse to offer to the Resistance officers in charge of the trial, but to no use. She kept blaming herself for her lack of talent at negotiating and, suddenly, she rembered someone who excelled at that!

General Organa has refused to get involved with the trial, until now. She did not even want to attend any court session. She is argued that she is too involved with the case and therefore too distracting for the judges and the witness to be present. However, Rey is certain that the general is not indifferent to her son’s fate. If she convinces Leia to go meet Kylo Ren, she could perhaps accompany her.

Rey feels genuinely guilty for being so calculative. Planning to use Leia’s feelings in such a way is beneath her. Then again, her life on Jakku taught her that when it came to survival she could not indulge herself in remorse. Besides, if any of what Kylo Ren told her is true, his family was no stranger to lies and manipulation.

Guilt is also what Rey felt when she avoided telling anyone when she met the Dark Knight again after their duel on Starkiller Base. She knows that her discretion pathed the way to this whole madness.

It happened during a mission on Concord Dawn to gather information on the First Order's weapons providers. Rey in fact accompanied Poe and he pretty much did all the job. During their short stay, they encountered various Resistance sympathisers who provided them with scant but sufficiently important information for Poe to seem satisfied. That was not, however, the kind of mission that Rey felt comfortable accomplishing. It involved a lot of meeting and talking with strangers. When the last meeting came, she asked Poe if he would not mind her returning to the ship early so she could check it before their departure.  
Rey and Poe used a simple shuttle to get to the half-blown planet and barely concealed it thinking that no one would associate it with The Resistance. She did not expect to find, encircling the ship, a handful of stormtroopers that had apparently managed to discover that Resistance fighters were present in the surroundings.

She tried to hide away from the soldiers but it was too late. She had been imprudently confident and she felt the tip of a blaster on her back while a mechanised voice told her to lift her arms up.

"Move!" the stormtrooper ordered with a nudge.

She did not lose her calm. Rey was not afraid of the First Order soldiers. She breathed deeply and thought about a way to escape when suddenly she felt Kylo Ren's crushing presence.

Oh, how Rey dreaded that moment! The memory of their last encounter, his offer to become her teacher during their duel on Starkiller Base haunted her in a way that edged on fascination. Although, she refused to admit it. She persisted in believing that she only felt hatred towards him and she convinced herself that violence would be the only appropriate attitude she should have if she ever crossed path with him again.

However, when she and the stormtrooper joined the other soldiers next to the shuttle and that one of them spoke into his communicator to inform that they had: "the girl", Rey started to panic. She could not think straight and experienced the same kind of deep fright she felt when she met Kylo Ren the first time on Takodana.

It took him only a few moments to arrive, the monster, the nightmare! Rey watched wide-eyed his dark lingering silhouette approach until he stopped a few steps from her. He had his mask on. Somehow, he got it back, or maybe was it a new one? At any rate, everything about him felt like a recurring nightmare.

"Excellent!" he exclaimed and it made her shiver.

"Soldiers! You have never found the Resistance shuttle. You have never captured the scavenger girl. You will go back to the First Order ship and regain your usual positions".

The stormtroopers all reacted at unison and walked away from the two Force users.

“It’s much better this way, don’t you think?” he said while casually removing his mask.

Rey could not believe what was happening. She remained extremely cautious while she scrutinised his scarred face.

“Oh this?” He asked ironically while bringing his gloved finger to the red mark that crossed his right eyelid and part of his cheek. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten about it?”

Kylo Ren’s unexpectedly detached attitude terrified Rey more than an actual attack. His scar horrified her even more. It reminded her of that moment when she almost lost herself to the darkness.

Instinctively, she put her hand on the hilt of the lightsaber she kept attached to her belt.

With a crooked grin, he continued: “Have you made a vow of silence, scavenger?”

Rey snorted noisily and pouted. To fear, added annoyance. A part of her insistently wanted to ignite her lightsaber so she could give him a new matching scar on the other side of his face. She found his whole behaviour disconcerting.

“What do want from me?” she asked rather unoriginally while she tried to conceal as much as she could the mix of panic and anger that was whirling inside of her.

“You must know by now that I don’t want to hurt you, or do you still persist in believing that I am a monster?

\- You ARE a monster!”

Her insult did not affect him much. He kept calm and persisted with his peculiar attitude:  
“Are you enjoying your Jedi training?”

What was that? An ill attempt at small talk? Rey was not so naïve. She was convinced that he was as dangerous as ever. Besides, she was starting to grow tired of the absurdity of the situation:

“Is this one of your tricks?

\- Have I ever tried to trick you, scavenger?” he answered back, raising his eyebrows.

Rey’s pout morphed into a full-blown ironic grin:  
“You have captured me and forced yourself into my mind! How is that for a trick?

\- And you defended yourself quite well, I must admit!”

His rather controlled tone recalled her of the way he talked to her when she found herself alone with him in the interrogation room. He has addressed her with a perplexing reverence. No one had ever shown her that kind of respect before…

Stop! She refused to allow herself to think about it any further:  
“You killed your own father!” she yelled at Kylo Ren, as if to chase the doubt that was starting to develop in her mind.

Loudly, he inspired and then exhaled slowly:

“Do you know why I did it, scavenger?

\- I do not need to! I do not care for your reasons! Nothing can justify your crimes.

\- How easily you judge my actions. Yet, you know nothing about me.

\- I know enough! I’ve seen how dark your soul is!”

As a response, Kylo Ren looked intensely at Rey. His face did not show any shock or anger. He stayed there, silent and impassible and it made her feel something that resembled guilt, a sentiment she rejected.

“I guess we cannot hide anything from one another, can we?” He eventually said. “I just hope you will remain this forthright despite your training to become a Jedi.”

He donned his mask, locked it again, and turned away from Rey, much to her dismay:  
“Is that all? You are leaving!”

He already took a few steps from her when her words stopped him. In that deep mechanized voice she abhorred so much, he answered with a palpable irony:  
“Until next time, scavenger!”

He let her go! He did not even try to know why she was on Concord Dawn. He was obviously toying with her.

When Poe joined her at the shuttle, she was visibly still stunned, but despite his questions, she did not say a word about what just happened. She only mentioned that First Order soldiers were roaming in the neighborhood and that they had to leave quickly.

When they got to the Resistance Base, Finn was there. His enthusiasm to see her contrasted so noticeably with her blunt confusion that she felt bad about it. She wanted to confide in him, but what was she to say:  
“By the way, I’ve been caught by some stormtroopers during the mission but Kylo Ren helped me get away”.

It was absurd!

During the debriefing, she let Poe answer all the questions. She only thought about going back to Ach-to. She felt that even if Luke were not there -as he had a tendency to leave without warning and for long periods-, she would be able to find peace and make better sense of what happened with Kylo Ren.

It turned out she was wrong. Rey started thinking about Kylo Ren obsessively. He haunted her thoughts. His words would repeat in her mind constantly, while she was training with Master Luke, meditating or even when she was enjoying the company of her friends. She suspected that was exactly what he had wanted, to confuse her, and she hated him even more for it.

Soon enough, he began appearing in her dreams. One night, she dreamt she was back on Jakku, sitting in front of her home, admiring the starships decollating afar, when she heard his unmistakable suave voice:  
“What are waiting for?”

She turned her head to embrace his full imposing figure. He was not wearing his mask, nor his usual attire. He was simply dressed in black cloths that resembled those of a Jedi:  
“I am waiting for my family,” answered Rey tonelessly, as if that did not mean much to her anymore. He reacted instantly by offering her his hand and suggesting:  
“Let’s go look for them together!”

She woke up panting and sweating as if she had a nightmare. She was utterly confused. Next time she would cross path with him, she had to attack him without hesitation! She would not give him any opportunity to play any further with her mind.

“We have to get rid of Kylo Ren!” She said one time to Finn while they were eating together. Despite the puzzled expression of her friend, she continued: “He knows too much about the Resistance. He is too dangerous. He nearly killed you!

\- Rey! I do not think it is that easy to take Kylo Ren down. Besides, I do not want you to seek revenge for me”.

Finn obviously misunderstood her, but Rey choose not to correct him. If she thinks about it, that is when she started hiding things from her closest friend and feeling guilty became a constant in her life.

Rey was certain she had never hated someone as much as she hated Kylo Ren. Part of being a Jedi was to reject all feelings of hatred, she learned, and the way she felt enable to achieve such a goal because of him made her ironically detest him even more. It was so intense that it edged on passion.

How she lied to herself! Rey recalls that during that time she regretted not killing him when she had the chance on Starkiller Base, just like that horrid disembodied voice incited her to do. However, something stopped her.

Now, she doubts she could keep going if she ever lost Kylo Ren. But, she will not give up without a fight. If saving him means appearing in front of Leia and shamelessly offering her false excuses so she can finally meet with him, than that is exactly what she will do:  
“General, I believe the prisoner detains too valuable information for the Resistance to not try negotiating with him”.

Leia raises an eyebrow and stares suspiciously at the young woman.

“The Resistance doesn’t want to negotiate with him, Rey. The Resistance wants him dead”.

The words of the general are so unforgiving that Rey feels her heart constrict when she hears them. Yet, she knows that they are true.  
“If he somehow starts to prove more collaborative, the Resistance might change its mind about him”, Rey insists, nearly revealing her true intent to help the prisoner.

“And you want me to be the one to talk some sense into him, is that correct?”

Rey nods and despite the intimidating gaze Leia is fixating on her, she continues:

“It is too good an opportunity to know more about The First Order and its secrets to be wasted like this.  
\- Well, I will use this as an argument when I will ask for a permission to see him”.

It is as if Leia has been waiting for a good enough reason to go and see her son and Rey just offered it to her. She is not trying to hide that she cares about him still. Rey admires her; the woman is so strong that she is not afraid to show her vulnerability:

“May I be allowed to accompany you, General?”

Leia frowns her eyebrows at the Jedi apprentice's request. She visibly struggles to comprehend Rey’s intentions:  
“For you security, it would be better if I was present, I believe.

\- Rey! I am not scared of my son. But if you want to accompany me, I won’t stop you”.

It is happening; she is going to meet him! It does not matter if General Organa suspects that Rey has ulterior motives. It is essential that she tells him that she is willing to help him.

When she gets informed that Leia’s request to meet with the prisoner is accepted by the Resistance officers, Rey is shaken by an eagerness that does not befit the circumstance. She calms down and joins Leia at the improvised cell where Kylo Ren is held captive.

Four Resistance fighters are keeping watch over the prisoner. One of them remains inside the locked room with him. Rey wonders how Kylo Ren did not attempt to mind trick him or his comrades to escape when her train of thought is interrupted. Entering the room just behind Leia, she discovers him lying down on a bed, eyes closed and hands clasped over his stomach:  
“General! To what do I owe the honour of you visit?” He asks without moving an peyelash.

Rey recognises his annoying tendency for irony, but she did not expect him to totally ignore her presence.  
There is a chair in the room intended for the Resistance Fighter guarding the prisoner, but as he has positioned himself closer to the door to give space to the two visitors, Leia decides to sit on it. Unwavering, she responds:  
“I am here to negotiate. Are you willing to collaborate and offer information on The First Order?”

Suddenly lifting his torso up and turning to sit in front of his mother in an impressively fluid and stiff move, he answers:  
“Wouldn’t that make a two-timing traitor?

\- It might help you save your life”.

Mother and son stare deep into each other eyes. Electricity fills the air while Rey feels completely ignored by the two of them:  
“I don’t want you to help me. There is no use for you to try to help me”, says Kylo Ren, breaking the heavy silence that lingered in the room. Rey understands that what he said is actually intended for her.

“Do you intend to let yourself die because of your stubbornness? Leia asks irritated.  
\- The trial is not finished. I am not condemned yet, like you seem to believe”.

General Organa gets up abruptly, having had enough of the mockery and unable to continue a reasonable dialogue with her son. Rey watches her with desperation get to the door while the guard follows her to instruct his comrades to open the door from the other side, when she feels a hand catch hers and squeeze it with so much strength it hurts.

She dares not turn to look at him. She fears Leia and the Resistance fighter would see them. She tries to move her fingers so to caress Kylo Ren’s hand but his hold is too potent. He only lets her go when the door opens and she nearly runs away from him. She joins Leia who stormed out the cell. When she feels the young woman behind her, the general stalls and asks her without turning to face her:  
“Did you know that he let himself get caught?”

Rey’s eyes widen at the revelation. Leia turns to look at her and continues:  
“He wanted to be caught by The Resistance. Now, tell me why he would do that.”

Rey could not answer. She remains silent and looks at Leia with distraught eyes. The general leaves her eventually without saying anything more and Rey goes back to her room. She actually doesn't know how she got there as she feels she has been walking in a haze.

As soon as she gets inside, she leans on the wall and brings her hand to her mouth. Slowly, obeying to an irrational yet pressing impulse, she starts kissing softly, delicately, the fingers that Kylo Ren held so dearly, while tears cover her flushed cheeks. With her eyes closed, she tries to picture his face, his dear mouth when he kisses her cheek when she was sad. She wants to gather the memory of his touch off of her fingers and swollow it so it would stay forever with her, inside her.

Suddenly, she's interrupted when hears Finn’s voice:  
“Rey? Are you alright?”

The former Stormtrooper has been waiting for her in her room, as he does from time to time. However, his presence this time startled Rey. Her mind reeled, still, she can not find a convincing (or even an unconvincing) excuse that would explain her odd behaviour or the tears that covered her face.

Maybe the lies had to end. Maybe it the time has come to tell the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter that I hesistated calling "How did they get into this mess, part 1". Part 2 is next chapter of course, and it is going to get much sexier, I promise. And Finn and Luke will have a much bigger part. Yes, I am teasing you!  
> Thank you so much for reading and to those of you who left comments and kudoes, I can only say: I love you! You are all so wonderful! You have no idea how happy you made me. Knowing that you enjoy my fanfiction fills me with so much joy! Please, don't hesitate to tell me about your impressions or the little mistakes you may notice.


End file.
